A while ago, I played the piano in our village church.

And even if there was a hint of nervousness while I was playing, I have to say I was still quite spectacular.

I really think that I did a good job on playing tonight. With the help of God, I was able to become more confident than last Friday, when I played in the mass as well but had not much confidence (it's probably because I didn't get to pray out of nervousness). Tito Ruel, my mentor and an amazing pianist, smiled at me every after I played a song. It was a kind of smile that says, "I am proud of you." After the mass, mom congratulated me for being able to play. Others told me things like, "Ang galing mo! Pwede mo na palitan si Tito Ruel mo!" All their compliments flattered me a lot; it made me a bit proud of myself. I remember Tito Ruel saying, "Ang lakas talaga ng loob ni Lala!" That was really nice. I smiled a lot when he said that.

Well, I am pretty proud of myself. I'm sure God is proud of me as well.

I am feeling sao depressed.

My friend says I'm not really that depressed since I'm still eating (I don't eat when I'm depressed), but somehow I still feel my heart shrinking and my mind blowing because of what happened yesterday. I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like I want to cry and just curl into a ball at a corner and die. Honestly, it wasn't much of a big incident, and I don't know why I keep being so emotional about it. My hormones are everywhere and I can't seem to get them back.

I'm probably just too attached. Maybe, just maybe, if I leave immediately I won't have to think and stress about it anymore. I won't have to see it and cry about it and be depressed and all that schist. I won't have to make it as a problem anymore since I'm gone. Forever. *le sigh* If only it was that easy. If only it was so easy to leave that place; but it's hard. It's where I met so many awesome new friends, learned a lot of cool stuff, got comforted when I was depressed; it's where I actually felt like I had a family. It's hard to leave them just like that when you know you've had so many good memories with them. How I wish it was that easy, but it's not.

Oh, well. I just have to think hard about it, I guess.

I had a semi-weird dream last night.

So last, last night, I made this playlist on my phone. In that playlist, I added songs that was sung by boys, and basically, it was like a 'romantic' kind of playlist. There were songs like Two Is Better Than One-Boys Like Girls, Statue-Lil Eddie, What If-Jason Derulo, and many more. I slept while listening to that playlist last night, and because of that, I dreamt of this:

I was in a resort. I don't know where it was; all I know was that it had pools and beaches, cabins and huts, stuff that you usually see in a real resort. With me was a guy; I couldn't quite distinguish who he was, but he was tall, semi-curly brown hair, and I think he was a bit slim too. We were hanging out a lot in there, and honestly, it looked like we were legit together in my dream. He was so sweet and romantic (not to mention, hot)... He was this sort of guy you see in movies where he falls for the simple, weird girl. I was attracted by him a lot-even until now, when I'm fully awake, I can't stop thinking about him. What's weird about this dream is that the guy was so good to me. No guy has ever been good to me, ever. In fact, I don't think guys like that exist anymore. Which sucks is that they'll only exist forever in my dreams, and not in my reality.

Okay, so maybe there is that one guy in this whole planet who I'll meet and will eventually fall in love with me, yada, yada, yada. But for now, I think I'll stick with fictional characters and famous actors. ;)

xoxo,
Alice. :3

So I'll just shamelessly leave all of these pictures here because of reasons.

I MISS MY FRIENDS SO MUCH I CAN'T-

(p.s. I don't have all of my friends' pictures because idk omg D: )

I haven't been dreaming much since the past few days.

I guess that's because I hardly sleep comfortably anymore. Usually, I sleep during 2-3am. My latest was 4am; I was watching a show I can't recall. But, yeah. I stay up all night everyday and wake up during noon, when lunch is ready. I, myself, believe that I have a very f-ed up sleeping pattern. Ever since summer started I began sleeping like this. But no matter what I do to sleep, I can't. I guess you can say I'm an insomniac; I can't sleep during the night, no matter how hard I try. I should read articles about that sometime.

Although I did have a dream a while ago. Do you know the show in ABS-CBN called Dream High? (I think that's a Korean show or something) Anyway, my dream was placed in a school that looks like the one in that show. Even our uniforms looked exactly like the students! Not that I'm complaining; their uniforms are really cute. :3 Back to my dream; I was walking towards the green lockers like those in the show. There was this girl who was bullying me, and I was only like, "Yeah, whatevs." She got down to tie her shoes, then I kicked her bag, causing her things to fall everywhere. And I left. The end.

On another note, it's dad's outing today together with his workmates! They're going to... wait for it... Enchanted Kingdom! XD I teased my dad about that last night. Good thing he didn't get pissed or else I would've gotten in trouble! LOOOOOOL. Poor dad. Oh, well. He might enjoy his trip in EK. We'll never know, right? :D

So I'm a bit frightened because until now, I still haven't decided on what course I'll be taking in college.

I used to want to be an actress or an author or a singer or a musician. I'd move to New York and become famous in Hollywood, meet people more famous than I am, party with my fans, meet the guy of my life, get married, live in a spacious home in a peaceful town with our three lovely children: Alice, Anastasia, and a boy I haven't named yet.

But those were the days when I could still dream about how amazing my future would be and how someday I would become very successful at the things I do. Now, I'm an incoming third year high school, and I still haven't found the right course for me to study on when I go to college. Mom says I should just pick a course where I know I'll make a lot of money. She doesn't understand. I don't want to pick a course where I know I won't enjoy. I believe in the saying, "Choose a job that you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life again." I want to choose a course where I'll be able to learn and at the same time enjoy. And when time comes when I'll have to choose a job, I'll choose the one I'm most certain I'll enjoy in. I tried to base my course on my talents and skills; unfortunately, the only talent I have playing the piano and eating. Where's my future in that? You'll only become famous in the piano if you're as good as Yiruma, Beethoven or Mozart. And I've seen people in Youtube play the piano far better than I ever could. And it's not the insecurity talking right now. And eating? Please. That's not even a real talent! You know what that means? I have no future! I'll die alone with no work and with my 83 cats! While my brother is prolly busy signing autographs in peoples' papers, I'll be alone in my apartment, doing nothing but breathe and eat and sleep and pretty soon die out of loneliness and depression! Gaaaaaah!

Okay. So I may have exaggerated a little bit. But I'm just saying. I'm afraid terrified of the future. Very, very terrified, indeed. I don't know what my future looks like, but I hope there's a bit good in it. And with this, I say goodbye.

Until my next blog entry. -Alice

Happy Alice is happy.

My vacation was great! We stayed at one of the resorts in Lian, Batangas. Their beach was so nice; it had white sands, the water was clean despite the seaweeds and rocks, and all-in-all I had an awesome time! We took a lot of pictures, although I can't possibly fit them all in here, so I'll just post some of our pictures yay! ^^

This was the house we stayed in while we were in Lian, Batangas. It has 3 bedrooms with air-condition and comfort rooms. The living room was nice, too. It gave that sort of authentic, non-modern sort of feel in the house. :)

This was one of the pictures I took. I love how I captured the sun just before it totally set down. Dad loves this picture because "it shows serenity and peace", something like that. 

It's my name (kind of)! I wrote it on the sand using a stick. :D

Yay group picture! This was taken during the night time. As you can see a bit slightly, there's a bottle of Tanduay Ice on the table. My cousins are drinking (don't worry, they're of legal age) while I'm just sitting around and stuff. Lol I'm just kidding I drank a bit of T. Ice too. But it's because they wanted me to! Omg don't kill me D:

P.S.: The beer tasted... awful! It's like softdrinks, but worse. ._.

Day 2 of our fabulous outing! It's me and my family posing under the sun. :3

Another group picture! Not everyone's in the picture; some weren't swimming and were only in the house.

It's me with my mom and my grandma! In this picture, we're going boating to another island far away from where we currently were. Well, not really that far, but if you try to walk to it then yes, it is really far.

Another pretty picture that I took! *proud lol* In this picture, we are already on the other island. The sand is really nice; the water was nice too, I guess. Just minus the seaweeds floating everywhere in the water. XD This island is actually private property, so that's why it's still really clean and pretty. 

That's just me, swimming around and having fun. ^_^

Jellyfishes! :3 My aunt and my dad got those for me and said I could keep them. Awesome, right? But of course, as sweet as a little girl I am (lolno), I took pity for the sea creatures and decided to let them go. Not sure where they are now, but I hope they got away safe and sound. :)

When we got home from Laguna, all of us were so hungry when a fishball,etc. cart passed by everybody just came to it and ordered a lot of chickenball and fishball. Also, the ride to our home was basically 3 1/2 hours (i know, it's so far omg) without food or anything. 

After eating, they went back to their car and traveled back to Taytay. And that's where our vacation ends. awwww