Sad Reality

It's funny when in the morning, you feel relaxed and happy for some reason. You go out and enjoy your day like a normal person would. You hang out with your friends, laugh like there's no tomorrow, and you feel as though nothing can ever bring you down. You feel like you're the happiest person in the planet.

Then the day soon ends. You're finally all alone, ready to go to bed. You are about to go to into a deep, peaceful slumber. But your mind has other plans for you tonight. All of a sudden, thoughts come running in your mind. You think of the past memories you've had. Some are good, thank goodness, but some are bad. Bad enough to make you depressed, scared, and lonely. You are then faced with the sad reality of life. All at once, you realize a lot of things. He will never love you like you want him to. He will never feel the same way, no matter how many times you wish for it to happen. Nobody will ever like you for who you are, because you are nothing but a piece of shit in this world with no dreams, just crushed hopes and unfinished goals.

And then you shut your eyes as tears fall onto your already wet pillow.

It's been quite a long time.

Nothing much has happened in my life since my last post.

Actually, I'm lying. A lot has happened since the beginning of year 2013. And by a lot, I mean not much, but those moments are really special to me and I will never forget them. For the past three months, I have gone from becoming a ‘date booth’ victim with him in our school (there is even a picture for proof) to actually becoming text mates with him one way or another. Just recently (March 21, 2013), I had my last few moments with him in school. They were indeed special to me, because I realize that they were to be my last actual moments to be with him. I’m just not sure if we’ll ever have time to do that again (but I’m hoping).

So, March 21. What exactly happened in March 21? I wasn’t supposed to go to school since it was already our summer, but I had piano training with him, so why the heck am I supposed to say ‘no’ to that, right? And besides, if I’m going to be his successor, I might as well learn from him and get tips. He let me play the piano for a while and get to know some songs that will be played for the mass. Yes, he also gave me tips and all that stuff. When the actual practice for their Baccalaureate mass started, he played the piano. Boy, was I mesmerized. I wanted to just hug him and squeeze his cheeks ugh he was so AWESOME I died. I know you know I’m kidding, that’s only my expression.

4:30 in the afternoon; the 4^th year students exited the gym and headed home. I went out to look for him, and when I did, I called him. I said I wanted to tell him something. I was too hesitant at first, but I decided to just let it all out. I gave him my gift, to say “Congratulations!” and all that. And then I went and did it.

Yes, I confessed to him. No, it didn’t feel awkward at all. He kept smiling at me and thanking me, saying how flattered he was and stuff. Unlike him, any other guy would’ve already rejected me by then, but he didn’t. He stayed and listened to my nonsense crap and bullshit-y feelings. Wait, no, they’re not bullshit. I love my feelings because they’re for him okay

My friends have been congratulating me, saying how brave I was for doing what I had done. I, however, have been thanking the Lord, saying how happy I am and that I am just so grateful I finally confessed what I felt about him. I’ve never actually thought in my teenage life that I would be able to do such a thing like that. But you know what? Ever since I met him and fell in love with him, I have done so many things I never thought I would be able to do my whole life. I’ve gained more confidence, unlike before when I was a total clam, being shy and closed and all. I bet my parents-especially mom-have noticed that, too. It’s probably why she’s so positive when we talk about him at times. My friends have also told me I’ve changed for the better, and that I wasn’t the same shy girl they met 2 years ago. Now, I was different. A better different, of course.

I used to be so afraid of falling in love. Now that I have, and with the most awesome, most sweet, most perfect guy I’ve met that is exactly like my father (attitude-based and body built-based), I can confidently say that I am in love… and I am not afraid anymore.

Just keep smiling.

You're afraid; afraid that they might know the truth. Afraid that if they do, they'll get mad all over again and say you're being such a wuss. Know what? Just keep it. Keep your feelings inside, smile like nothing's wrong, and hope that they won't find out. Pray that they won't mind it and just move on with their lives. Cry it all out in your sleep, so when you wake up, it's as if nothing happened. You'll be back to your normal, bubbly, happy-go-lucky, and crazy self. And no one will even know you're secretly dying and depressed inside.